What To Expect When You're Expecting

I didn't expect the doctor to drop the C bomb when she called on Monday. The week before she said it was probably a cyst. Biopsy? Okay, sure. Go ahead. I've always done well by the girls. They won't turn on me. (Jerks. Didn't I buy you padded bras with frilly fronts? It wasn't always Jockey For Women, ya know.) And, sure, I thought maybe cancer would be one result, but I didn't expect to actually hear it come out of the doctor's mouth.

Friends, always expect them to say the word "cancer."

It's breast cancer ("invasive ductal"), which I guess is good in some ways because all those walk-a-thons have paid for some innovations in research and things are better now than when my aunt died 15 years ago. I mean, sure, cancer isn't good overall, ask anyone, but I don't feel dread yet. Maybe I want to be hopeful because positive is good. Maybe I'm just in denial over what it's going to cost me because I know that's going to suck.

But I haven't called everyone I want to call. I have had two vodkas and some ice cream.

I wanted to tell you all personally. You know who you are. I still want to tell you, but it's kind of stupid and lame and I have no idea how to explain it in person anymore. I've run out phone chat ideas. It's not like you can say "Oh, I was on safari and those mosquitos carry this thing apparently, and when the plane landed at Heathrow I felt the first fevers..." How the hell do you "catch" breast cancer? I blame Taco Bell. So, maybe this post is in part explaining it to myself as much as to everyone else, because I still think they'll call today and tell me that they read the wrong chart. Maybe tomorrow when I go in to discuss the big knife it will be a little more real. Maybe not. Maybe I just need more ice cream.

Post Party Depression

Am I happy for The Hurt Locker? Sure, you bet. I won't lie, part of it comes from my aversion to all things James Cameron, but it's good to see something that didn't make a lot of money or take 20 studios to fund it win Best Picture. Is it a better movie? I really don't know. I haven't seen it, but I suspect it gives the audience a little more credit for intelligence than that other one does.

But, sure, I'm still bitter over Moon and, what? nothing for Harry Potter? Not even a nod for sound editing? Bummer.

At least the acceptance speeches were kept short and that did help a lot. Most of them followed the rules, except for that mouthy producer? director? random woman? who interrupted the director of the Best Documentary Short to sound off about everything except global warming and Elvis. Maybe in New York being obnoxious gets you heard, but the rest of the country tunes you out, sugah. But a law for the mole people should be the same for the handsome actors. I'm happy to see The Dude get his moment, but when they get in that space where they start trying to remember people's names, you know they've lost touch with time and a reminder to move on isn't rude, it's helpful. When you hear "Oh, so many people, uh..." cue the music. Fair's fair.

Highlights of the night, apart from James Cameron looking like he blew the cash bribes on a 0% payback:

- Ron Howard quoting Roger Corman: "If you do a good job in this movie, kid, you'll never have to work with me again."
- The Snuggie
- The John Hughes tribute (which made me cry --- but, hey sporto, where was the jock?)
- The dead people roll call, although Michael Jackson, but not Farrah? Let's see, if you leave out Captain EO he made 1 theatrical movie and she made... hmm ... wait a minute. Oh, well, right, he's got This Is It. Sorry, forgot he was an actor.
- Those crazy interpretive dances to the music scores. I read somewhere that the break dance was supposed to represent a bomb going off for The Hurt Locker. So what was the significance of doing the robot for Up?

A Movie Nearly Every Night: The Curse of the Werewolf

The Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
Dir.: Terence "Givin' it up for Hammer" Fisher
Starring: Clifford Evans, Oliver Reed, Yvonne Romain, Catherine Feller

"There was something about a silver bullet."

"Get away! Get away!"
(okay! okay! fine then! geez)

Have you been to a drive-in? You're old then. So am I. It's okay. This is a drive-in kind of movie. It runs about an hour and a half with some slow parts for making out and a lot of dramatic sound for the car window speaker.

As horror films go, this one's got few real suspenseful moments, so not all that horrifying. But, really, where do you go with it? He's a werewolf = he's going to tear someone's throat out and someone's going to shoot him with a silver bullet. A to B to C. No surprises, but it's a Hammer Horror Film so you can certainly be guaranteed of lots of gaudy color

lots of really red blobby blood

and lots of ... well, breasts on wide-eyed heavily made-up women.


Fortunately for Hammer this one also had Oliver Reed as Leon, the werewolf, chewing up the screen almost as violently as he chews up other characters. What a master.

Brooding on the moon ... always brooding ...

In fact, the casting is the most inspired aspect of the movie. Justin Walters never made another film in his life, but he could have had a solid a career playing younger versions of Oliver Reed.

It's weird, isn't it? The same chin; the same vacant, but violent stare; the same washboard... oh wait... Actually, I threw that second picture in because it isn't often you see Oliver Reed in that shape. I think he deserves to have something enduring online that shows him fit and healthy.

But, I digress. Casting -- it just gets better and better. Peter "Wallace" Sallis shows up as the mayor (with Professor Fate facial hair):


and two very prominent James Bond actors have short, but pivotal roles as well. Anthony Dawson (the evil Professor Dent from Dr. No) is the evil (yes again) Marques Siniestro

and, in a role IMDB labels as "1st Footman (uncredited) is Desmond "Q" Llewelyn.


No, it's not the best movie ever made, but it was pretty entertaining. And! if you rent it from Netflix it comes with Brides of Dracula (1960), which is, oddly enough, also directed by Terence Fisher. Weird. The tagline? Friends, it doesn't get better than this:

He Turned Innocent Beauty Into Unspeakable Horror

Oh, hell yeah.

Fanfare for the Common Man

Friends, not a lot of movie watching has been going on this week. We watched Moon a few nights ago, but it was on the Bluray, which means no screen captures (the computer won't run it) and I said back in July that it's good and if you don't know that by now I'm sorry for you and this means all of you in the Academy Awards voting corral. I pity your taste in film, you bastards. I mean, honestly, The Blind Side??. Why even watch the Oscars this year?

Which reminds me, last night Titanic was on Turner ... I still don't get it. Better than L.A. Confidential how exactly?

We've been watching a fair amount of the Olympics. NBC's coverage is irritating and most of what I want to see is on at midnight, but last night they showed the bobsled, which I like a lot, and, patience won out past the foofy ice skating and I finally got to see Italy take gold in the slalom. Slovenia was close, so the cousin/roommate also had a stake in it, but that Razzoli was amazing down the slope -- e un peccato per voi, Slovenia. And Alberto Tomba cried and the NBC talkers said it was because it was an emotional moment and I say it's because he's Italian, but it was cute either way.

But we also take in a lot of what they show on CNBC because 1) they show the whole event and 2) the commentators are sort of sweet and homey. Sure, most of what they're showing is Czech Republic playing Norway in hockey, but I started to really enjoy their coverage of curling and the "Oh, well, that would be the shot to make" way they announced it.

Mostly I liked watching the Canadians destroy everyone.

Mostly I liked watching the Canadians.

Mostly I liked watching this Canadian:

John Morris: curler, pin-up boy

And when they won, I cried like Tomba.

A Movie Nearly Every Night: Moonstruck

Moonstruck (1987)
Dir: Norman Jewison
Starring: Cher, Nicholas Cage, Vincent Gardenia, Olympia Dukakis

"Chrissy, bring me the big knife." "No, Ronny! I won't do it!"

I know, I might as well say I like When Harry Met Sally or admit publicly how many times I've seen Working Girl, but this movie keeps me mesmerized every time it's on television. I used to just let it wash over me and accept the attraction as the lure of the Italian family that it captures so accurately, whether it's with everyone seated in the kitchen having breakfast,


or the silly way Aunt Rita and Uncle Raymond talk about the sex they had the night before,

"You were a tiger last night."
"And you were a lamb, soft as milk."
"HUSH UP. You want them to hear you?"

or Loretta and her mother going to confession at church and doing penance and sharing that kind of hard New York style mother-daughter confidence (Rose sighing about her husband having an affair but has no proof -- "A wife knows" -- and Loretta, always pragmatic, replying: "You don't know."),


or the little Italian woman who puts a curse on Johnny's plane to Sicily because her sister's on dat plane and "fifty years ago she stole a man from me. S'aprese il mio uomo. Today she tells me that she never loved him, that she took him to be strong on me" so she's cursed the plane to go into the ocean,


but both the woman and Loretta admit that they don't really believe in curses.

These are all so real and familiar, that it makes this movie a comfortable blanket to put on when it's cold outside. It's a sip of red wine and a sandwich. But this time I thought that maybe it's Nicholas Cage that really attracts me --

"You've got a love bite on your neck."

because I don't like Nicholas Cage. I have a hard time watching any movies he's in because he's always kind of dopey and dull, but with a creepy look behind his eyes that betrays his crazy personal weirdness. When I used to watch this movie I always considered him the weakest link, with his shouting that he wants her to "come upstairs and GET in my bed. I don't care why you come ... no I don't mean that" like he's trying to be this macho guy, but then taking it back and so there was no grasping his character the way he was played on the screen.

And then I realized there really was something to it: He's opera.

Ronny lives his life like it's an opera, especially through all of his dramatic arias: he has an aria about his hand;

"I ain't no freakin' monument to justice! I lost my hand! I lost my bride!"

about how he's going to cut his throat in front of Loretta so she can tell his brother on their wedding day; his big passionate crazy declaration about how love isn't perfect; the way he throws the table over and carries Loretta into the bedroom --- it's all done in these giant, overdone ways that's perfect for the operatic Ronny. He loves Loretta and he loves the opera. That's it. And it's shaped him as a character, and I appreciated him more, that Ronny Cammareri.

I liked him.

I still don't like Nicholas Cage much, but Ronny, he's okay.

"Do ya love him, Loretta?"
"Oh, ma, I love him awful."
"That's too bad."

Facts About Projection

UK job site reed.co.uk sponsored a short film contest about the workplace. This is my favorite:



For more they're at www.reed.co.uk/film

Dear Wuh

I knew there was a reason I liked his face.

Pretty (but really deadly) swordsman in the Samurai triology

Calm (and suddenly deadly) Japan Organized Crime Boss

I loves Koji Tsuruta.